I’ve been doing some soul searching lately. I feel bad, but I’m pulling myself out of the Orlando Pro Tour. I’ve run my mouth, and that’s not fair to everyone that is involved in the sport and have been training for years for this day. It’s a hard sport to get noticed, and in one run I would be the future. Who wants to see a balding, overweight, 29-year-old plastered across magazines? Not kids. They want youth – something cool. Yeah, I can wakeskate, I can water dance. After breaking my board, bad hair plugs, my trainers giving up on me, rehab not working and looking at myself in the mirror, I’ve decided to become a water messiah. I will be the new protector of these waters. Guard them with my heart. Let my followers drink these waters with me. Take my hand and I’ll talk you through these brown waters. Show you the best wakeskate spots … the water is my new home.
It would have been a spectacle, but it would have been so hard for the announcers to keep up with my hammers and my Midwest steez. It would’ve probably taken the whole length of the lake for the jet-ski to get me out of the water. As funny as it might sound, you don’t ever want to be the talk of the event as the fat, balding guy that sank the jet-ski. The viewing audience would not know the joke, only a handful of my friends would have gotten it. If you want to water dance or just get a good laugh, join me and my friends on one of our sessions and you will see the spectacle that is me on a wakeskate.